


Magnificently (Like an Ass)

by catsincafes



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: A coconut makes an appearance, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7490427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsincafes/pseuds/catsincafes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander Hamilton knows nothing about his new roommate, Aaron, well except the fact that he's a health nut that is. A calm, collected, and orderly health nut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magnificently (Like an Ass)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my good ol' pal Erin. This whole piece is meant to be funny and not at all serious. Have fun!

Alex sat on the small worn up faux leather loveseat in his crammed shared apartment’s “living room”. He was waiting. He wasn’t entirely sure why he had decided to wait, maybe part of it was that he was used to his roommate arriving home at precisely the same time every day, and maybe he just might have been a little worried as to his whereabouts. He felt as though he really shouldn’t be worried. The thing was: Alex knew nothing about the man he’d been living with for the past 3 weeks, well except for the fact that Aaron was a health nut. Yes, Alex’s new roommate was an absolute health freak. On the Odd days that Alex had woken up early he had witnessed Aaron doing various exercises in the middle of their apartment. Aaron had a whole shelf in one of their kitchen cabinets dedicated to protein mix (even though there was barely any storage in the kitchen for anything, let alone protein mix). He even had one of those _NutriBullet_ blenders that he made those disgusting kale and spinach smoothies with.

Alex looked down at his phone; the screen read 9:58 pm. For the past three weeks Aaron had arrived home at 9:10 every night. “Whatever, he has his own life, why am I worrying anyway” Alex thought as he opened up twitter.

Alex had woken up abruptly. He hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep. He unstuck his face from the sticky leather of the loveseat and looked up. Blearily he stared in the direction of the front door which had just slammed shut. Alex blinked. Aaron was leaning against the door holding something. Alex blinked again, w-was Aaron holding a coconut?

Aaron kicked off his shoes and walked towards the loveseat plopping himself down next to Alex, coconut still in his hands. Alex stared at Aaron’s shoes which he always put neatly next to the door. Alex whipped his head towards Aaron, who was staring blankly at the white door. “What the hell happened!?”

Aaron continued to stare blankly at the door, his mouth was moving, but he said nothing. He looked like a fish.

“Aaron” Alex prodded “Why do you have a coconut?”

Aaron moved his eyes to the coconut, “I-I”

Alex starred at him, “you…what?”

Aaron began talking again but the words came out in a jumbled mess this time that sounded something like: “INeverdOthiskindashitbureayTJandjadmIWEwentoutdsdfdrinkineVERrodoitbutididdImDeyingimadeaadamistakefORTYdollarsHatemYSELFfuckingidiootIMDunkDRRunWesawbadgerogandhewassellingnowsowesaidwhynotandyeahhelpapalbutnooowhatanpesciosuassfuckwhattheefoeufkindfadubassassendFORTYoadanuitONAconNT”

Aaron began sobbing.

Alex had absolutely no idea what to do. He stared confused, worried, and mildly horrified at his roommate. What the fuck? He moved his arm over and started patting Aaron’s back gently, in an attempt to comfort him. He wasn’t doing a very good job. Alex decided to wait until Aaron’s crying died down before asking him about the coconut again, as he realized it might be a touchy subject.  He had never seen his roommate like this. Aaron was always calm, collected, and orderly, but right now he looked like a train wreck.

Aaron looked down sadly “Why do I do these things to myself?” he sniffled, it was more of a question to himself than Alex, but Alex answered anyway.

“I really don’t know, everyone does weird shit they regret every now and then, but um can you please explain this whole situation” Alex gestured at the coconut still clutched in Aaron’s hands.

Aaron stared glumly at Alex, “I get drunk very easily”

“And?”

“And I throw all caution to the wind and spend forty dollars on a coconut.”

Alex really wanted to laugh at Aaron’s explanation but he knew Aaron would probably kill him if he did, “Oh boy, that sounds like something I would do.” Alex said, trying to conceal the fact that he thought the situation was extremely hilarious.

“Exactly”

“hey!”

“Anyway, it was being marketed as an extreme health coconut, so I couldn’t not buy it.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Alex asked still thinking the situation was extremely hilarious especially since any previous worries he had had had been erased.

Aaron turned the coconut over and showed his roommate an elliptical sticker that read: ‘ _George’s EXTREME!!! HEALTH!!! FOODS!!!’_ Alex stared at the sticker for a second then looked back at Aaron “What the fuck?”

Aaron had an extremely worried expression painted across his face “I don’t know! What do I do?”

“Why are you asking me!?”

“Because I made the biggest mistake of my life!”

“Aaron, you’re over exaggerating this.”

“Oh god” Aaron lowered his head “im dying… or worse, I’m turning into you!”

“Jesus Christ” Alex really wanted to laugh, “We’ll figure out what to do with your forty dollar coconut tomorrow, but right now we both need to sleep, I don’t even know what the fucking time is.” Alex grabbed his phone of off himself and checked the time: 1:08 am. Good thing he had nowhere to be on the morning. Alex peeled his legs off of the loveseat and stood up, promptly giving himself vertigo. Coming back to his senses, he looked down at Aaron, who was wearing a white hoodie with the collar of his red uniform shirt sticking out; He had the coconut cradled in his arms, like a hairy little rotund baby. “I don’t know what you’re gonna do with that anyway” Alex said “maybe you could just return it.”

Aaron looked up at Alex, a glimmer of hope shimmered in his dark chocolate granola eyes. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do Alex, you’re a genius! I’m going right now!” Aaron jumped off his seat and tried racing to the front door before Alex caught him by the back of his hoodie. Aaron would’ve dragged Alex along with him if he hadn’t paused and returned his attention to Alex.

“Aaron, what makes you think the guy who sold you the coconut is still gonna be out there?”

“He’s always out there trying to ruin people’s lives!” Aaron yelled.

“Look, it’s the middle of the night and I think both you and this life ruiner need some rest, it’s best you go to sleep.” Alex tried to look at Aaron with the most calming expression he could manage but it probably came off as a little unnerving.

Aaron looked at Alex then walked right passed him dropping the coconut onto the cushy loveseat and walked to his room, dragging his feet and mumbling, “I’ve spent forty dollars on a fucking coconut, magnificently like an ass.”

 


End file.
